I'm getting married next weekend. There are butterflies on steroids in my stomach as I write those words. The wedding is bringing out so many conflicting emotions in me. For a bride who was determined not to get stressed I certainly did a good job of it this weekend. The scene in our living room last night was so cliched I would have cringed if it had been a scene on TV. I would have watched it of course, but with mild disdain & a whole lot of superior, "that would never be us"...
Let me paint the picture a little more clearly. Things are coming together pretty well (I have just left my desk briefly to find some wood to touch - am back now) and we have collected some really amazing memories along the way of people offering out of the blue to help and give so generously it has blown us away. Like the guy who offered us his stunning beach front garden to hold the ceremony in. We met him that day & he offered it to us on the spot. Unbelievable! And how I wanted a Bentley - as that will be my new name - and a 1956 convertible Bentley became available to us.. the stories continue..
But last night we still hadn't chosen our menu or locked in the the final details of the catering company's equipment. I was sitting at the computer, sighing heavily, and "placing" items rather heavily down on the desk after use. Then, not receiving the response I was looking for - namely an inquiry into my temporary insanity - I stepped it up a gear. "What are you watching?" came with one of my best eye rolls yet. S was watching the Grand Final of the football(soccer). He explained to me the significance of it in animated and inclusive terms, clearly inviting me to join in the momentous occasion. Not to be drawn in, I accompanied my mouse slamming and Bill Steam Shovel impersonations with the, mother of all man fears, nagging. Encountering an almost out of body experience I listened to myself. I was horrible! Golf and sport, even poor S's commitment to the heavy load of work he has on right now got an absolute bashing. Ridiculous threats of guests starving and pining for an ale at the wedding fell on deaf ears. He was trying to watch the soccer for God's sake.
So what did I do? I sat down and watched one of the most brilliant, nerve-racking and exhilarating spectacles of sport I have watched in a long time. I killed my inner Bridezilla and fist pumped along with the rest of the city. Needless to say the catering organisation got done later that night. And I will not lie and say the conversation didn't get heated at some points..... Bridzilla was apparently not dead - just sleeping.
I am trying to remember that this is not all about next Saturday. That this is the beginning of our married life together. I don't want S to remember a nagging, mean nightmare of a bride. I want to be serene, thoughtful and get back my sense of humour. So I'm using this blog to: 1. Apologise somewhat publicly to my beautiful fiance who is actually being really tolerant & thoughtful but I think also finding it hard to keep his sense of humour and 2. Send a message to all future brides and wives....maintain dignity and sense of self.
That woman I heard and saw last night was a pain in the butt. Late last night and again this morning, I was honest and upfront with her and left nothing to her imagination. She is an unwanted guest in our home..... and she's definitely not invited to the wedding!
