Wednesday, January 25, 2012

The Whole Work, Kid Thing....

So I’m having a tough week at work. It’s long overdue. Been a while since I just wanted to run away and escape. I’m one of those annoying people who say “I love what I do.” “It doesn’t feel like work most of the time”. “Find something you love and get paid for it” “Blah, blah, blah”…. Yep. Annoying.

But this week is testing me. People are unpredictable and as I deal with people and emotions things are going to happen from time to time that test my metal. I just don’t understand why they happen all at once? When it rains it pours, and as South-East Queensland finds itself on the brink of another flood crisis (God forbid) I find myself pondering my own inner crisis and salvation.

My salvation? Its children.. I'm acknowledging how lucky I am to have them. And to have that balance. I need them this week. I’m not complaining about juggling kids and work. I’m relishing the fact that I have them. They are a blessing and a joy. Simple compared to adults….. Most of the time.

It’s also back to school week. That week that Kleenex sales go up by 50% and wine bars are suddenly filled by 11:00am with yummy mummies relishing their regained freedom. My son has started year seven. His last year of primary school. He is very proud, being head of the school and seems (so far but only two days in mind you) to be taking his role quite seriously. I’m very proud of him. He makes my heart sing.

As I write, my step son is at my feet, playing very earnestly with his cars. His latest edition, his Lamborghini is due for a service – new wheels apparently. My husband works from home on Wednesdays and the time with him is precious and treasured. Lately he has been complimenting me no end and learning the art of charm. To be called “cool and beautiful” is pretty bloody good. Coming from a 4 year old who is notorious for speaking the truth is extra special. I am lapping it up. And of course contributing to that garage collection. Surely a matchbox Lamborghini is a small price to pay for such glowing words & boost to one’s self esteem.

I’m entering my third trimester of pregnancy next week. We are so excited and overjoyed. Already this little girl is so immensely loved. I have felt like I knew her right from the start. The day before I found out I was pregnant I spoke to her. I just knew. And knew it was her. I’ve been waiting for a long time and I kind of had the feeling she was coming. When S and I found out for sure that she was a girl I burst into tears. I looked over at S and will never forget what he said. “I’m going to be completely overwhelmed any second” and he looked just that. Happy beyond words, overwhelmed and so damn proud!

I went to the toilet and said out loud “thank you”. I hope God doesn’t mind being spoken to in a hospital toilet cubicle. I’m sure it’s not that uncommon. To know that our “wished for child” is healthy and who we thought she was, is an incredible gift and not something that we will ever take for granted.

She's certainly a mover and shaker this one. Constantly "kicking" day and night. I hope she sleeps more when she's out in the world. Something tells me I've got a live wire on my hands. This is what I've signed up for... no complaints!

All our children are gifts. The love for them is so compounding and all-encompassing that it’s hard to put into words. I have said over the years to people contemplating children that if you think you know what love is – then multiply it by 10 million. But it’s actually immeasurable.

So on this week when some people are pissing me off, to be blunt, I am thankful for my blessings of my kids. I am blessed. I know. The struggle & inability to have children for some is heartbreak beyond words.

Children will break your heart. I’m just so lucky to have this love inside me that I will put my heart on the line for the rest of my life. Bring on more heartbreak, immeasurable love and cries of joy in hospital toilet cubicles. Kids rule.