Saturday, May 21, 2011

Swallowing razor sharp, massive, gigantic pills. Ms Morissette my mouth is clearly bigger than yours.

Sometimes it’s not enough to have a “a good heart’. I’ve been told I have a good heart so many times in my life….. If I had a dollar… blah, blah, blah….I’d own homes in Point Piper, Manhattan & Lake Como (all very realistic goals for me at this point in life of course). But sadly, sometimes this statement comes with a “but” at the end of it. Because, equally sadly, I stuff up. I say too much. Or things I don’t mean. I have inherited a bad mouth gene. No – I don’t gutter talk (oh well okay sometimes I swear a bit but that’s not what I mean) I mean I say things that hurt people and can’t take them back.

For someone who believes in the power of language it is really difficult for me to hear things that I have said to other people that will remain with them forever. I get on my high horse and, especially under the influence of alcohol (which is a whole other story in itself) I shout down from that horse words that are often over dramatized and well – just plain untrue.

It’s taking a lot to write this blog. Its one thing to admit you are wrong – and another to make it public – but I feel that I should and I want to. I found out today I said something to a very dear friend of mine at our Christmas party (the worst night of my life incidentally) that I don’t even mean or think. I was questioning her judgement and, looking back, I clearly had no right. I don’t want to be cryptic nor do I want to give too much away for the sake of my friend – but needless to say I hurt her. And it has taken her until now to tell me. I am so glad she did as it comes in a week of reflection and fixing mistakes. Not all of mine – but in what I do – the buck basically stops with me. If one of my clients behaves badly – it reflects on me and the business. I care deeply about my clients and people in general so I will go into major protection mode to make sure that happens.

Instinct is a huge flag that is often waving in our faces wildly but we choose to grab it, wrap it up, and put it away in the cupboard, knowing all the while, we should be hoisting it up that flag pole and giving it the respect and acknowledgement it deserves. Compromised principles are my kryptonite. They eat away at me and torment me. I have been having trouble sleeping properly wrestling with an issue that I am hopefully resolving, through the help of my amazing and wise and tolerant husband.

With regards to myself I am working through some things about me that in the past I found it hard to face – let alone resolve. Not making excuses for myself is the first lesson. The second is saying “fix it”. Don’t drink so much if you are going to hurt people when you do it. It’s fun for a while but then it’s just boring. The apostles put water with their wine for a reason I guess. Again – hard things for me to be writing about here – but I’m doing so in the knowledge that I am rarely a hypocrite. No longer am I just going to go through life meaning well. What I said to my friend at the Christmas party wasn’t living well. It was thoughtless because I wasn’t thinking. Thought and rationality had gone home when it was clear that I should have.

My friend was gracious and lovely and worked it through herself & had already forgiven me by the time we caught up. But it will be a lot longer till I ever forgive myself. And I’m going to use this as another example of ways I need to grow and change and heal.
As for my badly behaved client– well I guess they will only change if they think what they are doing is bad. It is just up to me not to tolerate and accept that behaviour in my business.
I can only control what is in my grasp. And being the best person I can be. So big, massive pills for me to swallow this week – guess they fit in easily into my big mouth.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Buts, Butts & Rebuttals

There was a lot of talk about behinds last weekend. No – not the AFL kind- I mean bottoms, buttocks, bums! First Pippa Middleton’s is fantastic. And the world saw it. Her dress was stunning. Her hair & make up – perfect. What a lot of people seemed to concentrate on though was her rear end. A facebook page was even set up (with a very substantial number of hits) heralding it.

I heard this morning that she’s been offered $5 Mil to do one scene in an “adult” film. Who are they kidding and why did they even bother to ask. The Royal family vetoed The Chaser. They are hardly going to allow the sister of the future Queen to do Pippa Does Paris are they? Besides that would be a huge slight to Margaret. No one ever asked her to get her gear off and get paid for it…. I don’t think…

The other bottom of interest was Karl Stefanovic’s wife’s. I haven’t seen it personally but I take his word for it – as it seems so does the rest of Australia. The Today’s Show’s ratings have climbed even further – thanks to Karl – or his wife’s personal training commitments. After I heard his silver Logie speech I didn’t even bother staying up for the Gold. I knew it was in the bag. And I couldn’t stomach anymore Andre Rieu (sorry- that’s just me).

A man who tells the country that he loves his wife’s arse is a national treasure. No matter what anyone says – this is a great compliment. Let’s face it, Karl is a massive flirt. He makes women feel good about themselves. This is an art. But in order for him not to be seen as a sleaze – he needs to show the world that he loves and admires his wife. Karl is not stupid. Nor is his wife. Hugh Jackman is another example. He is the furthest thing from sleazy and obviously and openly adores his wife – yet he still makes women feel wonderful in his presence. Karl had to step it up a gear to get his message across. The twinkle in his eye and “appreciative” comments on and to women are not relationship applications – just gestures of good will. At least I hope this is the case…

Across the board- usually if someone is confident in life and in a relationship – compliments to their partner will not be an issue. I have been in past relationships when I was punished if a man looked at me – let alone gave me a compliment. I was told that I must be encouraging it. I know some women who have openly admitted that they prefer to go out with less attractive men as it makes them feel more secure and hot.

Someone accused me of this once. I reluctantly had to admit that – no – this was not my objective – as these men didn’t consider themselves less attractive – and certainly didn’t make me feel very secure. I went out with a chronic flirt once. He would flirt with waitresses, other school mums, my friends. I think he drew the line at my sisters and mother (much to my relief) but he once was so overtly ogling my cousin that I felt (and she too as a matter of fact) sick to the point of revulsion.

These type of flirts do not make anyone feel good – except themselves. A good flirt knows how to read the lay of the land. They don’t make anyone feel uncomfortable. Karl made women and wives Australia wide happy for he and his wife. He made his wife feel desirable and “hot”. Samantha Armytage seemed to be the only one with an issue. But there is my point again…. If she was feeling a lot better about her own physique she may have been more open to the cuteness of Cassie’s.

And I’m sure Pippa Middleton’s boyfriend is as proud as punch whilst quietly suggesting that wholesome rom coms are his movie genre of choice…