Saturday, March 3, 2012

Three in the Bed

Okay - so I am on the home stretch of this pregnancy. As I said to a friend today, "it's getting a bit uncomfortable with this sub-lease of my body". I know that every day my baby is getting stronger and more and more equipped for life outside my womb. I'm not willing her to come sooner. I just wish the time would go fast. Very fast.

Sleeping is the hardest part. This little lady seems to exert her presence at every opportunity and I have a feeling she is going to be rather headstrong. It has been 12 years since I gave birth to her brother but my memory is quite acute and I swear he was nowhere near as bossy. I get whacked in the side if my position doesn't seem appropriate to her and she seems to like to party a lot in the wee hours of the morning (hope this isn't a sign of things to come when she's 16). I'm also visiting our ensuite 4 or 5 times a night. Too much information? You just wait...

Apart from the not sleeping due to movement - I'm also not sleeping due to non-movement. I am sure all expectant mothers have been there. You are constantly checking and worrying and making sure that everything is okay. To feel your little one move is reassurance and the "okay" to go to sleep. I have spent quite a few hours lying there in waiting for her to move.

Things change with pregnancy. "Relations" being one of them. I have decided to let something come between myself and my husband. A kind of threesome if you will. Yep. The bold move. I needed to do it for myself. And for him. So I stop whinging...

Relax - it's just a body pillow. A big long sausage one. But we are fighting over it. It's all fine at the beginning of the night. I wrap myself around it like a contortionist and claim ownership at sleep drop off. But on my return from one of my numerous bathroom visits or some alteration to my positioning, I find S has stolen it and is hugging that thing like it's his right and possession. It so obviously isn't. It's mine! The least I can have to reward me of carrying OUR child through these months with due care and love and patience.

I have never met another heterosexual man in my life who says he would love to be pregnant. But that's my husband. He wishes it was him! Well so he says. I scoff -of course. He doesn't know what I know. The finale is hardly beer and skittles. Childbirth is akin to a volcano ripping through your body. It is pain that you thought you knew multiplied by 1,000,000. I wish it was him - just for an hour. Just so he could know & grant some more respect - and stop stealing my pillow! He recently went through day surgery to repair a hernia. Apparently the non-painful kind. But if left could have developed into something sinister. I called it his faux pregnancy. And I was only half kidding. I think he willed it on due to his desire to be apart of it all. S is an amazing father. One of the many reasons I love him to death. But seriously - butt out. This is a woman's zone. I wish I could share it more - I really do. If men could share the burden that would be truly fantastic. But they can't.....

Women of the world unite. I remember after my last birth I said that I now had the most profound respect and love for all women of the world. It is a huge and amazing thing we do. I am glad to be a woman & I'm privileged to have this job. I kind of understand S's longing to be more a part of it. As it would be kind of humbling to just be the spectator.

Saying that - he is being a pretty good & loving supporter. I think he will make a great birth partner. I don't think I will yell or swear at him. Although who knows? Last time I was pretty zen. But I didn't have a partner with me then. And my mother didn't really deserve to be screamed at - poor love. She was pretty amazing too. Massage and general mother loving was so welcome and helpful. I think everyone should have a doula like my mother on hand at birth. I'm hoping that my sense of containment will return and I will be a centered and controlled avenue to the world for our daughter. I'm pretty relaxed about it all. Not really that scared as, at least this time I know what I'm in for.

But I'm not naive either. And I'm saying here and now that I want accolades. And presents. I want cheers and champagne and balloons and flowers & promises of pampering and beach holidays. I want it all. I know I deserve it!

The sub-lease is nearing it's term of occupancy and my body (although lets face it - somewhat altered) will be returned to me - apart from my boobs that is. Breast feeding will be the next thing. In the meantime - just give me back my pillow. I am no good at threesomes.