Tuesday, June 21, 2011
LITTLE DATING DIARY ENTRY # 1
Okay - if I hear the term "man drought" again I'm going to scream. There is no drought girls. It's a self fulfilling myth. 40+ men are not an endangered species, perhaps just a protected species....
I will admit (and work to rectify every day)that there is a discrepancy in the number of single women and men over 35. So many of my clients ask me why this is so. Truth is - I don't know. I have a theory though, of course! And yes it does start with that bloody biological clock that we all know & love/hate. And the panic button that sits right next to it on the shelf. Here's the thing - men don't like panic buttons. They run a mile from them. They like to feel relaxed, comfortable & unpressured. Hence the younger woman phenomenon is not always just about the way women look - but the vibe that younger women give off. They don't seem to want to put men into a time capsule and press the go fast button. Of course there are exceptions to the rule of this. And the generalisations are not coming from me - so please redirect your hate mail to firstname.lastname@example.org. But this is a common theme coming from men whom I talk to every week. A lot of these men would love to have children, but they don't want to feel like sperm donors. Once again - not my words....
The biggest thing I can say to women is relax. I know that is hard. Believe me - I've been there. I had M in my 20s and since have longed for another child - but only if I met the "right man". I will admit that my search for this man was consumed with wanting to have another child. It wasn't until I realised this myself and changed the way I was thinking that I actually met someone who is the man I would love to have a child with. I can remember at one point about 3 or 4 months before I met S, I called my sister and I was crying on the phone. I was grieving for the child (in my mind I always envisaged a little girl) I wasn't going to have. I said to R (my older sister) that I was "letting her go". Every date I went on after that point wasn't tainted by my father check list. I relaxed. And I mean truly. This takes work and being really, really honest and true to yourself. But it worked. When I met S (and we all know how that happened by now I think) I was in a good place. I had let "her" go but guess what? S asked me on our first date if I would ever consider having a child again. In fact - he went further than that. He said something to the effect of "we both have boys and that's fantastic. Do you ever wish sometimes you could have a girl too?" I nearly fell of my bar stool. I had a met a man who ticked all my boxes and he was now asking me the question I had previously subconsciously been asking all the wrong men.
The whole relaxed approach is not just directed at women with maternal cravings, either. It goes towards everyone men, women - young & old. If you've been single for ages - stop worrying about it! You probably have better wardrobes and far more stamps on your passports than your married friends with kids. You will have learnt so much about yourself and made you so much more interesting. Be proud of your singledom - not ashamed.
I've decided to start "LITTLE DATING DIARY" for several reasons. This whole notion of relaxed dating is one of them and paramount to my business. If you can get into your head, and then subsequently your life, that you are fine as you are - being single and happy, strong and excited about what life brings you every day - then good things - and amazing things will happen. I want to help you do this by suggested good places to go to meet people and to get a daily vibe that makes you feel great about your day. There's a plethora of coffee shops for instance that attractive men and women go to every day and they are not connecting with each other. What a waste!
What LITTLE DATING DIARY is going to do is rate for you good cafes in terms of vibe, potential attractive partners and the sort of staff that will help in the matchmaking for you.
This is what you have to do. First of all - get up earlier. Exercise if you can - so you are already feeling wonderful. Hard I know in winter, but it works. Plus you have earned your latte. Instead of ordering that take away coffee (whilst simultaneously checking your Facebook on your iphone or answering emails) - go in, sit down and enjoy your surroundings. Make this a regular occurrence. Oh - and look great! Dress up - and feel desirable. Okay so now you are mentally picturing getting up the same time as Lisa Wilkinson - but you don't have to necessarily. Perhaps you can exercise the night before. And get a new weekday make up routine that works for you but doesn't take ages to apply. Put out your clothes (and shoes!!) the night before so you don't have that decision (and hunting in the case of my shoes anyway) to deal with the next morning.
Go to that same cafe every day for at least a month (preferable at the same time)and see if you notice any men (this entry is largely directed to women looking for men - sorry - but of course the same applies in the reverse)that are also there. They may be ordering take aways initially but BINGO! if they start sitting down too. You don't have to approach them. In fact - don't! Be alluring - but subtly see if they notice you after the 3rd of 4th time and let them know that you notice them.
LITTLE DATING DIARY will give you tips and suggestions at least once a week as to the best places to go.
Follow this blog and my twitter and Facebook pages to see to see the first.
I have many more suggestions up my sleeve believe me....
I love what I do and the one on one dates that I organise are a wonderful facet to dating. But the whole concetp of angelfish connections is about mixing it up. Sure - let me introduce you to really qualified people - but enjoy the search yourself too. It can be fun! What I'm hoping LITTLE DATING DIARY is going to do it put some fun back into your life.
Talk to you soon. I'm off to spy on some more baristas.....
Posted by Janie Bentley at 10:12 AM